Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My mortal enemy.

A few weeks ago, i was chillin at home, doing whatever it is i do all day.  I was hungry, and i remembered i had about 2 drops of gas left in my car so i was like “hey dad.  Lemme borrow your card, so i can get gas, and lunch, because you’re the best dad ever”  Naturally, his response was “alright, son, you are so awesome, i wish i could be as cool as you, you’re the best son ever, here’s my card”  So I’m in a good mood, pulling up into the drive through.  I order my food, i’m feelin’ pretty good.  So i hand the most unenthusiastic employee I’ve ever met the credit card.  He swipes it, waits a few seconds, then makes a motion with his arm, credit card in hand, like he’s about to hand it to me. Naturally, I reached out the window to grab it from him, so i could move on to get my delicious t-bell.  But no, at the last second, he puts his hand up against the window, and stares into the oblivion of the receipt printer, as if it would stop printing if he took his eyes off of it GOD FORBID HE CEASE HIS EVIL EYE.  He knew i was waiting for my card.  He just wanted to watch me squirm in his peripheral vision, because he is a meanie fucking poopface.  So looking like a complete retard, i just sit there, with my hand hovering out my window for about 10 seconds, thinking “hey, maybe he will give me my damn card now.”  Of course, that would be the logical thing to do, but no.  The receipt has to print first.  God forbid he has to hand me the card then receipt.  2 arm movement's in one transaction?  He's not fucking MacGyver.  So now, he turns his head and just glares at me, like i’m personally insulting him by holding my arm out, waiting for my card.  Knowing i looked like a complete goon, i jokingly waved at him, and said “ohey!” like oh, i’m just pretending to play it off like i’m joking. But we both know i was a moron.  I guess he didn’t find my joke very funny, or he didn’t get that i was joking, and thought i was actually trying to cover up my completely called for, but stupid reaction to this stupid situation.  In the darkest, least enthusiastic tone i can imagine, he simply said “the receipt is printing…”  As if i hadn't figured that out already.  It's pretty difficult to explain just how i felt at that very moment, but this picture is as close as i can get.

I didn't actually have knives, or weird lightning squiggly's over my head, my eyes aren't red, and my teeth aren't that sharp, but this helps convey the message better.

At that very moment, i made my new moral enemy.  I vowed to never return to this taco bell, in spite of this man.  (Within a week, my resolve faded, and i came back, but he wasn't working so that didn't really count.)
Anyways, today I caught this man in the drive through of the Taco bell (The one i vowed to never return to.)  I paid in cash, so we didn’t have this problem, but our eternal feud will never cease.  His nametag said TYLER in little silver stickers.  So TYLER, if you’re reading this, and wish to someday become friends, offer me one of your precious little silver stickersheets in return for the horrid things you have done to me and my family.  Maybe then our eternal ceaseless feud will cease.  Until then.  I wan’t a fucking number 8, with a baja blast.  Asshole. (Also, the L was slightly crooked.)


  1. I vowed never to return to taco bell because the food tastes like poison, and the beef is made of sand.

  2. Actually its 65% sand 35% beef! :D

  3. Haha, you are Hilarious. Followed.

    ps, where I live they always give the fucking receipt! might throw it in their face next time and drive off.

  4. i love t-bell so much, and i hate the employees

  5. I hope you resolve your problems with this Tyley. You might want to seek professional help to get your relationship back on the tracks.