Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The joys of working in fast food.

As you may or may not know, I recently got a job as a delivery driver at a local pizza place.  So far it's gone pretty good (plus if someone backs out of an order, and it's already made, we get free pizza nomz).  Before I can start driving, I have to learn how to take orders over the phone, serve customers, and make pizzas so that in the event where everyone is swamped, and i'm sitting on my ass playing solitaire on my iPod, I can help out.  Week 1 was all about answering the phones/dealing with customers (which is by far the worst, most stress filled role you can work on, especially if you don't know shit.  The phone ring of my store legitimately haunts me in my sleep).  You'd think taking orders would be fairly easy.  The system is straightforward enough.  To make it even easier, I have a fairly strong background in computers, so in theory this should be a walk in the park for me...  But people fucking suck at ordering pizzas.  I'd say about  20% of the calls I get are simple, painless 45 second orders from really nice sounding people.  Then there's about 50% are ether normal nice, or very easily aggravated people who have specific questions such as "how much does x serve" or "I have x coupon, but I forget what it's called, but it may or may not include y, z.  what is that?".  Questions I don't know how to answer, which means a lot of people get put on hold, so I can go ask people who know shit.  Then we get this golden 30% of sheer asshatary that I didn't know existed prior to joining the workforce (that's a blatant lie, I've known stupid assholes my whole life.)  Here's how those calls go.

Hello, thank you for calling asdfjkl;, will this be pick up or delivery?
YEAH UHH I'D LIKE A MEDI-
I'm sorry ma'am, will this be pick up or delivery
DELIVERY. CAN I-
Aaaaand can I get your phone number real quick?
UH YEA 999-9999.

Now it's worth noting at this point that the information is taken in this order on every call we get.  It's just the way the software is set up.  you would think that people would catch on, seeing as a lot of people who call in are previous customers, but no.  This bit of seemingly obvious information is lost on them.  But let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it's their first time ordering.   Or maybe they get nervous on phone calls, or maybe they were just in a near-miss car accident, and they aren't thinking clearly.  It happens to the best of us. ('cept for the near miss accident part.  I've never ordered pizza directly after a near miss accident)

Alright, Jane dicklicker?  Of 999 pooploop lane?
THATS ME.
Alright, what can I get for you?
UHHH. CAN I GET A MEDIUMWITHHALFOLIVES,HALF GREEN PEPPERS , THREE QUARTERS GREEN OLIVES, APROX. 3/4THS CUP OF CRUSHED PEPPER, SLICED TOMATOES ON THE UPPERMOST LEFT QUADRANT, I WANT THE AVACADOS IN A SMILEYFACE TILTED AT 95 DEGREES.
I'm sorry can you repeat that, I didn't quite catch the first part. -as I frantically punch buttons of the ingredients mentioned that we do have out of that order.-
-obviously over exaggerated sigh- WELL CAN YOU JUST GET ME A MEDIUM HALF ONION HALF OLIVE PIZZA?
Yes ma'am, what else can I get for you.
UHHHHHHHHHH. -caller watches a commercial or two- DO YOU HAVE ANY CHEESE STICKS?
Jim stix?
WAT DAT?
They are the closest thing to cheese sticks we serve here
HOW MANY PEOPLE DOES THAT SERVE?
Which size?
UHHH.... LARGE.
Please hold, I'll go find that out for you real quick
-SIIIIGGGGGHHHHH- OKAY.
Alright, it serves x amount of people.
FORGET IT. I'LL JUST GET MY PIZZA. AND UHH. A 2 LIETER DIET COKE.
Will that be all for you today?
YA.
Alright, how will you be paying, cash, check or credit?
CHECK
Alright, that'll be about 20.45 and it'll be 30 to 45 minutes
TWENTY DOLLARS?!
Yes ma'am, the pizza is 15, we have a 2 dollar delivery charge, a 50 cent check charge, and then tax
BAH, FORGET IT LET ME CALL YOU BACK.
...okay.
-dial tone-
Never calls back.
The only part I exaggerated on was the overly complicated medium pizza.  Everything else has actually happened to me in my grand total of 4 days working there.  I've been sigh-ed at more times than I can count, yesterday some lady canceled her entire order because she found out there was a 2 dollar delivery charge (after we had started making the pizza mind you.) and my co-worker Duke had to stand at the credit card machine for 6 minutes, because the lady who was reading off her card number decided that the TV was significantly more important than her current pizza-ordering chore.  Yea. That actually happened.

Needless to say, I'm overjoyed to be moving on to the pizza making next week.  Then even more-so the delivery for the rest of the time span I work there.  At that point I get to drive around, get huge tips from really rich people, and spend minimal time around my smelly co-workers...  Who FUCKING REEK.  That's a story for another day though.  I'm sure I'll write a blog about my wonderful co-workers, their debilitating BO, and why it affected me so personally. (and couch-post.  I haven't forgotten about couch-post)

(P.S. not everyone yells into the phone like the caps lock implies.  Some also decide to take the order from across the room, so I can hardly hear them, which means more asking them to repeat themselves, which means more rage directed at me.  Because god forbid I try and get your information right.)

(P.P.S. what do you think of the theme of the blog?  I was proofreading this on the preview page, and the white text was kinda hard on my eyes.  Is that just me, or should i change my layout to be less eye-rape-y) 

6 comments:

  1. Dude sounds like your in hell. But it happens hope you get the hang of it soon enough bro.

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  2. Oh yes pizza delivery. Your new nickname is Fry.

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  3. hey, at least you're getting paid :D

    i prefer frowning faces on my pizza though. and the layout looks fine to me

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  4. Should be amusing hearing t the rants of a delivery driver'

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  5. haha thanks for sharing, yeah i know what you mean...i work with customer based too...some customers are plain dumb!

    I have followed your blog..Could you follow mine too please? Also check out my guest blogging contest to see if you are interested!

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  6. I'm surprised you don't feel suicidal by now, because that sounds awful!

    Free pizza though, who can complain :D

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