Friday, January 6, 2012

Life is weird.

I'm growing up, and it feels so weird.  I've spent my entire life worrying about having to do grown up stuff, like pay bills, choose insurance companies, and interact with neighbors in a socially acceptable grown up way.  When I was in grade school, people asked if i couldn't' wait to grow up, and I would just be like "fuck no, I've got legos, nerf guns, and cartoon network, this is the life!" (but with less cussing.  because I was like 8)
I mean look at this thing, it's freaking belt fed!

  Now that i'm halfway through my Sophmore year of college, i'm having to slowly start to deal with that kind of stuff.  Now that I live away from mama and papa bear I have to worry about when to do my laundry, and my housing payments.  I have to buy groceries, and make sure I don't run out of body wash.  I always expected there to be some internal change, where I would become old and boring.  Some change where I would somehow know more important things like how often I need to make dentist appointments and a sudden inexplicable pride in my lawn (not that i have one yet, but still).  But I don't feel like i'm growing up.  Don't get me wrong, I still basically live off my parents, and i'm extremely lucky to have that luxury, and it's not like i actually have a lawn to take pride in.  But i'm seriously like a 12 year old on the inside.  My favorite part of walmart is still the toy aisles with the legos, and nerf guns.  I still stare longingly at the power wheels, even though I have a fully functioning car sitting out in the parking lot.

Bitches on my money.


My favorite past times are still music, video games, and airsoft.  I don't feel like I should be trusted with a lease agreement.  Because lease agreements are for adults.  And I don't think i'll ever grow up.   Sure, on the outside I'll grow up, and i'll get a job, and pay for my mortgage and insurance.  I'll have to smile and wave to Mr. Jones, even though he has the most annoying shithole of a child running around my yard.  But deep down, i'll still be the same 12 year old who thinks fart jokes are to humor as Shakespeare is to literature.  I'm not saying it's a bad thing, i'm perfectly content with it.  I'm just saying it feels weird now that I have to do grown up things, when deep down, i'm still the same kid I have always been.

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